Monday, May 16, 2011

George Clooney's Stalker

To and say that "truth is stranger than fiction" would simply not describe the bizarre chain of events chronicled in this tale of celebrity obsession gone wild. 

The story itself reads like a bad Hollywood script.

What is the difference between an adoring fan and a delusional stalker? Ask George Clooney -- or read for yourself. Why? Because you just can't make this sh*t up.

First, a little background on the stalker (follow this link)..... 

Chapter 1: NOT the Double Dutch Bus

Jones had been obsessed with George Clooney before she ever set foot in LA, launching into her "mission" the minute she crossed state lines into California more than 10 years ago (probably the exact moment Clooney felt a chill go down his spine). 

Similarities to recently arrested celeb stalkers abound, as she was convinced she was destined to be with Clooney. She roamed the foothills around his Studio City home, claiming to be stalking… er, um, “hiking" there, hoping to get a glimpse of him. She spent hours digging up every bit of information ever recorded about him. 

She claimed to know his every move -- from the LA restaurants he frequented to the alleged mortgage loan refinance on one of his properties. This was only the beginning of what would soon be a delusional, one-way bus trip to Crazytown for Jones. 

“Gimme a ‘ho’ if ya got cha crazy bus fare!...”

Chapter 2: Follow that Harley !

Jones began mysteriously seeing “Clooneys” everywhere she went in Los Angeles. 

Once she drove through Studio City and some dark-haired guy on a motorcycle pulled up next to her at a light. He may have glanced at her briefly. He could have been anybody. Well, that was all she needed to conclude that the guy must have been – you guessed it – George Clooney. 

After all, Clooney rides and collects motorcycles, so it MUST have been him! And the way the guy looked at her! It was definitely Clooney sensing her presence, and recognizing that she was his destiny! She followed the motorcycle until the rider sped off, losing her.

Chapter 3: Clooney Conference Calamity

George Clooney held what he’d probably hoped to be a quiet press conference about an upcoming movie release.  Jones managed to work her way into the event. 

Clooney spoke, answered a few questions for reporters and began his exit when out of the blue, Jones screamed his name at the top of her lungs — the same way you would scream someone’s name if you were trying to warn them not to step off a cliff, or into the path of a speeding car or, to a lesser extent, into a pile of dog pooh.

Startled, Clooney turned quickly to see what (or who) had happened. Anyone else would understand that he had turned suddenly, reacting to some loon screaming his name. Jones of course considered it further proof that he was drawn to her and somehow sensed her “special” presence. WTF? 

Chapter 4: Star Struck

Remember those little Orphan Annie decoder pins featured in the movie “A Christmas Story”?  We could’ve used one of those to “crack the code” to understanding what the HELL Jones was talking about the night she actually met George Clooney.

Jones and I temped working film industry promotional gigs.  At one event she did meet and escort George Clooney on the Red Carpet. Clooney was nice enough to pose for a photo with her. Like anyone, she was totally star stuck. Unlike anyone, it never “wore off,” and she became even more delusional after that.

While he didn’t talk to her a lot, everything he did say became misinterpreted and twisted in her mind.  They were waiting for the ok to be seated and he said something like “I’m getting old…”

Who knows what he meant for sure -- probably just a hint that he was getting tired of waiting. Jones, who has recounted this and every Clooney fantasy at least 100 times to everyone she knows, decided in her mind the comment had a much deeper meaning, was all about their destiny and some other mumbo-gumbo. 

She promptly added it to her infinite list of “Clooney Clues” leading inevitably to their future together.

Chapter 5: BANNED from WB! The beginning of the end

Jones managed to get temporary assignments on the Warner Brothers studio lots in LA where George Clooney once had an office.

While the reason can’t be confirmed 100 percent, what happened next was obvious. 

After complaints that Jones was talking obsessively about Clooney, showing up unauthorized at areas where he was filming, being “distracted” by his presence and not getting work done, she abruptly stopped receiving assignments at the studio.

Rumors had it that she was secretly banned from the studio lots. She became irate as a result, harassing temp agencies that worked with WB about not getting more assignments. 

There was even some kind of legal mess that followed, but it involved a temp agency paying her properly and did not involve WB. Speculation persists to date that she was identified as a potential stalker and – for safety reasons -- banned from working at WB.

Chapter 6: Leaving so soon??

The “studio ban” rumor seemed to be unofficially confirmed when George Clooney’s parents were invited to a red carpet event. Jones, who got booked to work that event, approached Clooney’s parents. It isn’t clear exactly what was said, but they both looked uneasy and concerned that she was talking to them. 

Then, security abruptly swooped in, whisked George and parents away from the crowd, rushed them to their limo, and the driver high-tailed it out of there.

Jones’ implied afterward that she had said something (bizarre) to his parents, about being “connected to their son,” and that they “looked at her as if she was crazy” (no kidding). She seemed not to have a clue that SHE was the reason security rushed them away.

Chapter 7: Sarah Larson - Jones’ Meltdown

Jones completely flipped out when George Clooney began dating Sarah Larson, and this is when the meltdown began. After all, Jones was convinced this was not supposed to happen! He was supposed to be HERS! 

Soon after, harassing emails, voicemails and notes allegedly began arriving at George Clooney’s office, at the office of Stan Rosenfeld, his publicist, and at the office of producer Steven Soderbergh. 

The messages were all obsessive gibberish about persuading Clooney to dump Sarah Larson, his whereabouts, and that she knew what was best for him. There was even this phone call to Clooney (most likely made by Jones) that made the celeb gossip sites. 

Read: George-Clooney-and-Sarah-Larson-Have-a-Stalker 

Chapter 8: Another Toaster?

Obviously, Jones had gone into a complete meltdown. 

The next bizarre event included the alleged arrival of an announcement at the WB offices that George Clooney and Sarah Larson were to marry, and that “someone” had registered them at the and British retailer John Lewis Online wedding registries (which makes no sense, but look at the source. Should it?). 

The alleged email messages asked the recipients to purchase wedding gifts for the couple. It was allegedly confirmed that there actually were online registries created. Clooney obviously has millions of fans and probably some other stalkers, but based on what was to come, it seems obvious who was behind this.

Chapter 9: Chasing Sarah … Literally

The insanity worsened, and Jones spent every waking hour obsessing about Clooney and Sarah Larson. She claimed Clooney’s relationship with Larson was a publicity stunt over which he had no control because “the studio owned him”. 

She claimed the motorcycle accident they were in was a stunt. She began sending him messages, trying to “give him advice about what to do with his life.” Her behavior became more bizarre, as she claimed that Sarah Larson was stalking HER, and chased down a complete stranger walking near her apartment complex because she thought it was Sarah (like Sarah Larson even knew who she was or cared). She swore that “George’s people were watching her apartment,” among other paranoid claims.

At the time, several people told her she needed help, meds, a psychiatrist -- something. Of course, she wouldn’t listen, saying WE were all crazy for suggesting such a thing, and that she’d show everyone when the police caught whoever was watching her.

Chapter 10: Even the Psychic Friends Network couldn’t help

Where’s Miss Cleo when you need her? 

The saga continued, only now it involved Jones visiting psychics to learn of George Clooney’s whereabouts, ways to communicate with him, chanting and obsessive rituals to “draw him to her” -- you name it. All of this was necessary to free him from his alleged forced and obligatory relationship with Sarah Larson. Pretty soon, he would realize his place was with her!

The stories much got worse. Now, she was sure that a U.S. Marshall living in the apartment above her had been placed there by “George’s people” to watch her! And he was assigned to watch her because she held valuable insider secrets on Hollywood’s movie studios!

Jones had some sort of delusional fascination with law enforcement, had thought she was being “watched by cops” in the past, and had once chased down a police cruiser she thought was following her. To this day, I am surprised I haven’t seen her on the front page of the Los Angeles Times in handcuffs, or at least on an episode of “Cops.”

So, this guy’s being a U.S. Marshall made him an absolute target. She struck up a conversation with him, and it resulted in him avoiding her at all costs. Of course, she didn’t think it was because her weird behavior was freaking him out. Instead, she concluded in her mind that his avoidance was confirmation that he was “a spy working for Clooney.” (??)

She should have requested her money back from her psychic sessions because none of them predicted what was coming.

Chapter 11: Battling the Blogosphere

As if she hadn’t outdone herself, anyone can go online TODAY, hit any celeb gossip site or movie blog, and find thousands if not millions of completely insane posts by Jones about George Clooney.

The attempts to communicate with him, “his people,” and now the Mafia (because they have been brought in to watch her apartment too) have become more and more bizarre as readers follow and comment on the electronic trail to Crazydom. The posts have become even more delusional, with tales of the Mafia and movie studios controlling Clooney, controlling his love life, and basically holding this poor, abused super-star captive!!

The writings have also become fodder for online star-chasers, with readers battling with her about her inflammatory posts, accusing her of trolling message boards, cursing her out, and pleading with her to “get back on her meds.” 

Chapter 12: Meltdown number Two – Elisabetta Canalis

The meltdown Jones had when Clooney started dating Sarah Larson is NOTHING compared to the giant leap she took off the highest peak of Mount Crazymore when he and Elisabetta Canalis became a couple.

Message boards became flooded with posts about how Canalis was an escort paid by the studios to date Clooney; how Clooney was forced to date Canalis; how readers should boycott his movies as long as he dated her; how the Mafia is controlling him; how his dating her is all PR; how Jones really wished him well, doesn’t want to hurt his reputation, but is being told by some (imaginary) person to write all of this nonsense.  The message board administrators can’t delete the inflammatory and possibly libelous posts fast enough before she submits 100 more posts.

Apparently, Jones has told these stories so often to anyone who will listen because industry insiders are starting to identify her online. The self-fulfilling prophecy about being watched (more like people connected with Clooney being put on high-alert) has sadly come to fruition, but not for the reasons she thinks.

Chapter 13: “You want I should wack Jonesy, boss?”

I think the final straw for Clooney star-chasers were Jones’ posts leading up to George Clooney being presented with a Humanitarian award during the Emmy’s ceremony. The mafia/stalking/paranoia stories were at an all-time high, and she threatened on one message board in particular to kill herself if Clooney took Canalis to the Emmys, while simultaneously implying that the mafia might kill her first (oh, excuse me, “silence” her) because she was going public with information on all the players (Clooney, Canalis, the studios, producers, agents, the mafia, Ronald McDonald, you name ‘em).

She hinted that, if the world never ever reads another post by her, it will be because the mafia had her wacked….

At this point, the readers on the particular site where these messages were posted all added her to their “ignore” list (a user setting making the posts of another user invisible).

That says it all.

So, if in the near future, you see some woman on the evening news being led away in handcuffs for paying a little too much attention to George Clooney, you'll already know who it is.